A friend who owns a company
in another city e-mailed me and another friend the other day to let us know
that his wife’s eight-year battle with breast cancer was coming to its
inevitable end. Although she has defied all the life expectancy predictions,
there is nothing more that the doctors can do. He noted that he would be taking
a lot of time away from his company over the next several months, to spend even
more time with his wife and children.
Hands hovering over my
keyboard, I attempted to compose a response. “I am so sorry” seemed hollow as I
read the electronic words. “If there is anything I can do to help, please let
me know” seemed disingenuous in e-mail form.
I hit the delete button and
picked up the telephone.
In our phone conversation, I
asked my friend how he’s doing. I really wanted to know and he took time to
answer honestly. He’s concerned about his kids. He’s in pain from watching his
wife’s agony without being able to help relieve it. Precious few e-mails that
carry the nicety “how are you?” ever elicit real answers.
As my friend and I talked, I
figured out a specific, unique way I could help him, and offered. As I made the
offer, I heard my voice crack, as I’m sure he did. The pause I heard between my
offer and his response told me we had connected on a level that is a tribute to
our friendship and that the live phone conversation had allowed. I’m glad we
had a real conversation and I hope I will be able to help him in some small
way.
As the 20th
Century scholar and author Marshall McLuhan www.marshallmcluhan.com wrote in Understanding Media: The
Extensions of Man, published in 1964, “The medium is the message.” McLuhan,
considered a prophet about electronic media, never used e-mail, as he died in
1980. Yet, I’m convinced he most likely envisioned the concept, based upon his
many other on-target predictions about mass media and communications.
It turns out that my brief
encounter with my friend was an object lesson www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/object+lesson about the “medium is the message”
phrase. The medium one chooses to express oneself profoundly affects the sender,
the receiver and sometimes the world.
The opportunities to
remember that – and choose wisely – are infinite.